if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
