Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found your dick twin last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
