omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
