Duck Duck Cougar?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize