he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's like iHOP with fire
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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