As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
