My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
