just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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