I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
