therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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