So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
