he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
