There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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