You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize