Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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