Whod you bang
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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