There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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