Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
