im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
