Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
