I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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