Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
