All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
