Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
