I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
