Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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