Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
