We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
