I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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