i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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