this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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