Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
