i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
