everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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