this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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