her vagine was all disorganized.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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