just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize