My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
