WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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