woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
