I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
