So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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