Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
