no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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