How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
