we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
