Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
