I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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