I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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