Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
