my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
