I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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