Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
