Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize