whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize