I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
