I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
