We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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