go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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