You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
