I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
