I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
