i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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