Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
