Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
