I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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