i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
