just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
