But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
