I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
