at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
