last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
