You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
