Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
