Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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